The words she spoke were so familiar they took on a life of their own, forcing my subconscious to go on guard and wrap itself in a metaphorical, clear plastic egg.
A few typed words sent me into a panic as I desperately tried plugging holes in my boat with my fingers. I became hyperaware of everything; the silence vibrated, even the feel of the wood where I laid my hands magnified.
I don’t like to classify people but this is a special circumstance. There is a sect of Christianity that can be compared to the Amish in a way, without the horse and buggy. They raise their hands and rebuke anything seen as unholy in Jesus name.
“Oh, you listen to heavy metal music? Let us rebuke that demon”.
Growing up in a foster family with this way of thinking had me convinced I was evil. I was diagnosed with major depression at a young age and this “Christian” frame of mind made me feel like my depression was demonic!
Over the years I gained some insight into the collective mind frame that infected people like a dark plague. It took years to free myself from the shackles they had bound me with. I learned that when people radically close their minds and hearts to anything seen as ungodly it is for one of two reasons.
The first is fear. People let it possess them like it has its own life force, and in a way it does. Something in a persons past could have triggered the compulsion to obsess over purity, who knows.
The second reason being more sinister and what originally triggered my flash backs when talking to this woman I had just met. Some people hide their sins in the guise of Christianity. What better place to hide a monster than in plain sight?
As a child I was scared of the dark. I thought I saw monsters in my closet until my dad turned on the light and I saw it was just my clothes.
I am leery of these types of christians not only because of my past run ins, but also because I am always reminded of the scripture in Matthew 7:15
“Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.”
Growing up I was forced to become sensitive to people’s energy as a result of mentally ill parents. At 16, I was put into a foster home that bombarded my senses with red flags. But the power of manipulation won out and I fell into the lie that if I was short of anything other than perfection, I was demonically possessed.
At 30 years old I still get scared when approached by strangers with this kind of mentality. its easy now that I’m older and wiser to discern their energy. A panic attack ensues but once I collect myself I am reminded of who I am and where my beliefs fall. I am open to people as they are, not who I want them to be. I am open to the world and its potential for good rather than hiding for fear of the bad and evil things lurking in shadows.
I believe God is open too. He sees mankind and their evil hearts and loves them anyway. I want to be open like that except I’m not God so I protect my heart and mind by enclosing them in a clear plastic egg.
9 Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. 10 Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; 11 not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; 12 rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; 13 distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality.
14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. 16 Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion.