Let Hope Reign Over This Place

Sometimes your mind can be cruel. Learning to love myself was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I no longer allow the voice in my head to control my emotions.

        “how could you let the house get so bad?”   “Your so lazy. You used to keep the house so clean. What happened to that person?”   “you don’t have a real job, this house should be spotless”   This is my train of thought while standing in the middle of the tornado that is my living room. I am in…

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I Need to get a Life: A Realized Codependents Struggle

  I was not going to type any of this up because I didn’t want to go downstairs to get my laptop. I wanted to stay hidden in my silent corner of the bathroom with my coffee cradled in my hands for security. The kids are asleep and I need time alone with my thoughts, not just my thoughts, but time alone with myself.  …

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Faces in a Patch Work Quilt

    I never expected you to be one more person I had to survive. Why do people hurt so bad? I should not be comparing everyone to junk food, but I am. I should not want to detox from people as if I had just binged on Toll House cookies; but I am. There are people out there that are healthy, right? There has…

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To be Good enough: The Art of Self Worth

      There are days where I feel I’m  just not good enough. These are the days I want to burry my head in my pillows and never leave my bed. I consider turning my phone off and refuse to answer the door. In my mind I am not good enough to face a world that is good enough, better even. Rationally, I’m full…

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No shame and the Joy of Freedom

  I want to try something a little different with this post. Most of my writing consists of memories I’m sifting through and I think I do this to avoid myself; mainly out of shame. I then have to ask myself what it is I am ashamed of? My mental illness and the stigma? The belief I’m being pitied and seen as a victim? The…

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Silent screams and putting a broken heart to bed 

  There’s a small lake in my community that nobody visits. When times get to be to much I drive my car down there and scream. I scream out my pain, fear, loneliness, and anger. Listening to myself as I scream I’m reminded of an animal howling in pain as it dies. It is a guttural, primal, almost an inhuman sound. I can feel every…

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