I believe dreams are a direct line of communication between the conscious and subconscious or the conscious mind and God. I also believe a persons subconscious is like a guardian whose sole mission is to protect ones psyche.
People that have internal conflict or don’t understand why they do what they do have a habit of blaming the subconscious.
For example, “I drink because I subconsciously hate myself”.
Your subconscious is not the enemy, it is protecting you. While drinking is not the best coping skill, the subconscious mind is still trying to keep the core intact, or sheltered.
When I stopped seeing my subconscious as a vindictive asshole that was out to sabatoge everything in my life and instead saw it as an ally, more so a protector; a lot of internal conflict quieted.
As a result I trust my dreams. Whether there is something deep within me that needs worked out or God is trying to show me something.
This past week as a result of the hell we have been through I have had two significant dreams in which I feel compelled to write about.
The first dream takes place outside a house, my house (but not my house in reality). I am on the porch talking to my husband when a roach runs in between us. He steps on it and babies go every where so we run inside the house to “safety” because there are no roaches inside. I sit in a recliner and see pink wall paper to the right of me, it’s peeling and a little worn but I feel safe in the house (in reality I’m deathly afraid of roaches so feeling safe inside the house is big).
The house can represent several things; my psyche, or the church aka Gods protection. The roaches I feel are demons attacking us. I’m not sure of the pink wall paper but the safe feeling I had inside the house gave me some reassurance when I woke up.
The second dream we were inside a house and a strange woman was putting me down. She was talking very threateningly to me and my family. In this dream I felt like she would attack; and her face was distorted with hate. I warned her several times to back off but she refused, escalating her insults and threats. I ended up grabbing her by the throat and beating the shit out of her.
This dream is big. I see the woman as a demon. In the first dream it was outside, in this dream it had made it in. With everything that happened with my son me beating the woman is pivotal. It means I am fighting for us and will not stand by and allow negativity to destroy us.
Both dreams symbolize hope, safety, and resiliency. They are a promise from God that I have it within me to protect my family and see them through the hard times. In each dream my husband is standing next to me. In the first dream he crushed a demon (which I believe was symbolic to my own adolescence) but the ones that scattered were brought about because I had distanced myself from God these past few years. In the second dream he was there, giving me the courage to fight off my own demon. I believe my husband represents God in each dream as I was married to Christ the day I was saved.
For a few years now I have felt like I have fallen from grace, that God had turned his back on me because I had become so distant. It all boils down to my abandonment issues.
People may say I’m reading to much into the dreams but I don’t believe that’s true. I believe no matter how far I have strayed God has been by my side the ENTIRE time.
The circumstances surrounding my sons near death experience are proof that God is watching out for us and working hard to mend our hearts. In all truth it was Gods hands in the situation that he is alive today.
We are all on a path to find peace, not just my family. The key is opening your mind and heart enough to allow yourself to be guided.