Years ago I had a professor in college refer to himself as a passive anarchist. The contradiction resonated with me because I see myself as one big contradiction! Being a 90’s kid when I think of anarchists I think of the circle-A symbol, mohawks, chaos, and spray paint. I don’t know why I think of spray paint other than I am just that old!
Anarchy. Chaos due to an absence of or nonrecognition of authority. The concept goes against human nature and our biological and social construct. Honestly, I think my professor was just a middle-aged stoner; I mean the man did wear flip flops with snow on the ground. Anarchy is too strong a term for me as I do not enjoy chaos and I see the necessity of social constructs on a biological, social, and evolutionary level. Maybe, I am a revolutionist or nonconformist? Ya, those fit.
I see the direction my blog is going and I am at a crossroads. I can conform to monetize and gain followers, but that would not be authentic and I would be lying to everyone that does follow my blog as well as lying to myself. All this is being typed up because I have been doing a lot of research lately on how to gain followers to monetize and I just can not do it. This blog is my life, raw and uncensored. I want to be me regardless of how many people read what I have to say. But then why did I start this blog to begin with? The answer to that is simple and well, extremely complicated! I want to be transparent for my own healing, this blog is a game changer for me. Also, what if my transparency helps someone? What if I can stop someone from making the same mistakes I have, give them insight to better understand themselves or even just relieve someone of their loneliness; mental illness and abuse “victims” tend to be very lonely and isolated. Ya, that sounds authentic. Before typing this blog post up I could not even define my target audience!
I believe in change. A river that does not flow becomes stagnant and polluted. Just because I was born with certain predispositions to depression and personality disorders does not mean that is who I have to be. I can be anything I want and what I want is to be a crystal clear river that is always flowing, filtering out the garbage and sustaining its ecosystem. We allow society to define us because it’s our nature to want to be a part of a tribe and when you are different you’re rejected from that tribe. Think of horses or cattle and their pecking order, it is the same with people. But sometimes, society is wrong. Dead fucking wrong; and continuing to live a lie does more damage than going against biology by breaking away from the tribe. I have broken away from so many tribes in my life that I don’t honestly know if I will ever find my place in this world, and that’s cool because I would rather roam craving roots than to live a lie.
There is a medical term called neuroplasticity and it basically means the brain is not static like once believed but instead, it is constantly changing and building new connections. This concept has fascinated me since my astronomy class in college; the universe, like the brain, is not static. It is energy, constantly moving and changing. It is such a complicated topic but so simplistic and applicable to everything! Take this concept and apply it to anything you question. For example, God. what if God can be explained by science? My point is this, everything, and I mean everything, is connected. We are all connected. Everything and everyone is one in the same and nothing at all. With that train of thought, I will just sit back and enjoy the ride because man, life is a freak show I barely understand and I find it hilarious!