There are few places on earth that reconcile my heart. Looking back trying to piece the puzzle together I realize I never truly walked my path alone.
Each summer my parents would send me to a camp through our church called El porvenir Christian camp.
The energy of the forest transformed me like a mother rocking her child to sleep. I connected deeply to the trees and streams, even to the silence it offered my mind.
One summer another little girl and I had fallen behind the group. We locked arms scared we had heard a grizzly growl, and began singing:
“If I had a little white box
To put my Jesus in
I’d take him out and kiss his face
Then put him back again.
If I had a little black box
To put that devil in
I’d take him out and smash his face
And put him back again”
We ended up being reunited with our group but secretly, I wish we hadn’t. I wanted to be lost so I could stay there forever.
I felt like the energy the trees gave off was just for me and I allowed myself to fall into their embrace.
I remember breathing the clean, crisp air and feeling safe. I projected the refuge I felt not on to the camp itself but to the woods that harbored a safe haven.
With each hike through the forest my senses were magnified. If I took off my shoes I could feel life pulsing through the dirt. With my childs mind I half expected the tress to smile down on me.
At that point in my childhood the Santa Fe national forest became my family, I had bonded with its energy.
To this very day I still wake up in a panic covered in sweat in fear that I will never get back before I die. Some places you just belong, and when you can’t find your way back you feel lost.
A few years ago we took a trip to the redwoods for my oldest sons birthday. The energy was so strong and ancient it took me to my knees. It would be one more place I would spend years trying to get back to.